By Brandon Shane
It first began with the small things
throwing the onion away and keeping the skin
staring at the oven and not knowing how to bake a pie;
she’d done this a million times.
Mother was my soul, the one who sacrificed
more than anyone ever could for me.
She livened the home with her constant hums,
bursts of melodies, and somehow gave advice
that always came true no-matter how much
I didn’t want to believe her.
Selfless until the end, she told her surviving
family that if something had ever happened,
to put her in a facility, as she didn’t want to be
a burden; nor us to experience the difficulties of care.
“I’m just tired, why are you worrying so much about me?” she said,
It was soon after confirmed she was in the early
process of dementia, and that her condition could
only become worse from here. Time had passed,
and this Okinawan woman who left her home with
a navy sailor was then abandoned with his promises,
forced her to crawl through the barbwire tongues
of wild men no better than rabid wolves, investigated
the faces of her sons, and when she would’ve said,
“I love you all so much,” could only muster a peculiar stare,
followed by a cold shake of the head, swallow, “who are you?”
Ever since then, I imagine myself as a lighthouse that
strobes the foggy-eyed oceans, as thunderous waves
crash against jagged-fenced coasts, waiting to spot
that calcified organ called my heart. And as we buried
her in Naha, after insults & bursts of rage, I can’t help
but fear a day where I look at the children who I raised,
loved & loved me, only to wonder who they are.
I understand now her request so many years ago,
knowing what would happen, to not only her,
but us, and that sometimes the best advice,
is to listen, no matter how much it hurts.
Brandon Shane is a Japanese American alum of California State University, Long Beach, where he majored in English. He’s pursuing an MFA while working as a writing instructor and substitute teacher. You can see his work in Acropolis Journal, Grim & Gilded, All Existing Magazine, Bitterleaf Books, Salmon Creek Journal, BarBar Literary Magazine, Discretionary Love, among others. Find him on Twitter @Ruishanewrites
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