By Taylor Oglesby
I consider myself female, and the world does too, when it looks at me or engages with me. It
sees me, and it sees a woman who doesn’t need a Hero’s Journey, because she’s already arrived at the
last stage. It sees me, and it sees a woman who is equal parts girlchild, wild woman, the wise
observer, and the compassionate teacher. We give women so many roles to play, it’s natural to find us
mysterious, like we’re hiding secrets only we can understand and use. But it’s just not true.
We are not the only enigmas in each social group. All humans are. I don’t know what’s going
on in your brain any more than you can try to understand what all is held behind my façade. We all
have infinite layers that make us so unique. Those unique layers don’t isolate us though, they give us
the ability to connect with anyone or anything. It feels like magic, and I wish to celebrate and explore
that, not simply accept it and move on. An enigmatic existence shouldn’t restrict me from exploring
who I am – if anything, because I am just as much a mystery to myself as I am to the rest of the
world.
I deserve to know myself and explore every nook and cranny. We forget that we’re allowed
to ask questions, and not just of the outside, but of the inside too. It’s intimate, and scary, but being
able to accept that I am, that I also will be, and that I was, can make me dizzy. How can I be sure of
anything when it all shifts, and folds in on itself like the tides. Thanks to the blessing and curse of
amnesia, I’ve grown up all over again starting at 21. For the last decade I’ve been forced to ask these
questions that are so beneficial for all of us. Who am I? Who do I want to be? Am I allowed to be
anything and everything I could dream? Am I actually someone even when there’s no one or nothing
to react to…or am I just a ball of energy waiting to be turned on and played with? Is it okay that I
want to matter?
I’ll never know you. You’ll never know me. But instead, we do something even more special
with all this familiar mystery between us. We create a world together where we can both exist, no
matter what’s on the other side of our masks, or what’s hidden in our hearts waiting to be seen. And
the truly fun paradox of it all? The second you think you know anything for sure, the mystery spins
you around again and presents new pathways and new queries. The more you get to know yourself,
the more there is to parse, to separate and assimilate. The more you can become, and with no limit
at that! Spooky, really. Just don’t forget, there’s no need to ask if you’re doing it right. Because you
are.
We create and decide every thread of this stunning tapestry we weave together and call Life.
There is no choice too absurd, there is no point in believing that we should be limited, or contained,
that we should be judged or tamed. Let that mystery and intuition pour from you genuinely. Let it
craft its own form and bloom; jar it, and carry it with you like your personal lantern of fireflies. Let
the glow attract others to you, and they can wonder how such a beautiful something could be
possible. Then they’ll remember, at least in the recesses of their equally beautiful mind. Embrace
your sparks of light. Shine bright, weird one, and I will too.
Taylor (she/they) is a green writer, hoping to find whatever one finds from adoring stories their whole life. She is interested in connections, cycles, the nature of a second pass, chaos, synchronicity, and above all, beauty. Their time in a chrysalis is coming to an ooey-gooey end, and is working on reintegrating into society, wherever they may fit. She’s grateful for a home in Asheville, NC, USA and 32 years on this planet. When not exploring, learning, or listening to cinematic scores on an indulgent ferry ride, she’s probably playing a game of some sort, getting lost in some world.
Hot Pot Magazine 