By Amber Zou
as if i was like those white girls
with their mothers
full of western stories and wonder
i pulled out my pink glitter tooth box
rattling with remnants of baby’s breath
and ran to you, mother,
six-year-old uncallused feet
slapping against hard tile
i pushed piggy bank pennies toward you
explaining the tooth fairy procedure
you nodded with an mhm
eyes occupied by your phone
i knew better than to believe
falsities and folklore
you taught me young
to not place faith
in unattainable whimsies
better to be practical
to watch for white lies
chest of teeth
pushed under pillow
i pray for rusted coins
copper tucked under linen
a cocoon of throttled fantasy
eyes of nickel
eyes of baby bird sing song
eyes of taut plums
with flesh holding in the liminal
space of juice and meat
until inevitable pit
where is the crunch of ripped purple skin
and the gush of sweet fruit
that drips so sweetly down black bears’ claws?
where is the cub who suckles plum-filled mother?
milk tasting faintly of fruit?
i long for soft undercoat
beg for your touch
knowing that each time
it comes with the kiss of flames
look at all that fire
inside your tangled chest
licks of ash and spark, singing fur
look at what you are capable of holding
and still,
you won’t hold me.
Amber Zou is a junior at Phillips Exeter Academy originally from Houston, Texas. She is an alumna of Sewanee Young Writers’ Conference and will be attending the Iowa Young Writers’ Studio and Kenyon Review Young Writers’ Workshop in the Summer of 2023. She has received recognition for her poems and prose through National and Regional Scholastic Writing Awards, Phillips Exeter prizes, Phillips Exeter publications (Pendulum Magazine (2x), WeVision Magazine, Asian Mag (2x)), has pieces appearing in The Stirling Review and XinSai Magazine, and is the co-EIC of The Asian Magazine at Exeter. She is a lover of lowercase letters, her goldendoodle, Mae, and tangerine La Croix.
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